A long tired rant from a horny hippie in an existential crisis

i should say that i've still been caught in the tanha (pardon the hippie jargon) of being dissatisfied with buddhism because, deep down, my little monkey brain doesn't think it fits my supposedly hard-rockin' self-image. it's not that i even like metal that much. would i give it all up to be a pacifist hippie talking in quiet tones and smiling all the time while reading Thich Nhat Hanh? or would i go down the path of anger, selfishness and opposition to my core values of democracy, populism and egalitarianism for the chance to listen to the cool music i like and wear t-shirts too black for the summertime? are music and style the only things behind my tanha type aversion to the path of alieviating aversions, or does it come down more to the fact that KP Hong, my trusted advisor and college minister, kind of creeped me out with his quietly smiling, politically correct beautific-ness (despite talking with me in that beautific tone through many questions)?

Should i commit to total Amish pacifism? Should i recommit when i move to vegetarian eating, at the expense of what little muscle my working out to heavy metal has brought me (because after all, as a pro-lifer who doesn't want children, i can never have sex, so who needs muscles)? Should i listen to music like that monk playing those awful acoustic folk songs like "Samadhi Shoes" i just heard -- which won't stir the inner demons of anger or lust -- or should i consider anger and lust to be key ingredients in "rock 'n' roll 4 ever"?

Furthermore, should i say that abortion before quickening or brainwaves is okay (i can never support partial-birth), or is that just a cop-out 'cause i wanna get laid? is looking at porn okay, since the porn actresses might get pregnant and have abortions -- not to mention the whole degrading-women issue? Also, if we are ethically obligated to do positive good for others, exactly how much are we talking about (i discuss this in my Peter Singer post in more detail)? And on the "thou shalt not" side of ethics, what are we not supposed to do to others? Treat them unlike they want to be treated, i guess -- that's fine and steady, as far as it's defined. ("An it harm none, do what ye will" is the only reasonable thing the sociological/religious catastrophe of Wicca ever had). But of course we have to stop third parties from harming the second parties or reducing their freedoms -- A must stop C from hurting B, even if that means hurting B. Fine. But when do we know what to allow?

i feel guilty about most things i do, including staring at a computer screen till 12:30 a.m. when i should have meditated and gone to bed early instead of ruining my eyesight. What i'm trying to say is, i'm too sexy for this song and i'm logging off.