i am in control of my fucking anger, you shithead part I: Going to Dagobah to seek the wisdom of KP
Note: after looking over my past posts (pthew), i saw that i had three in a row dealing with anger management. Therefore, i decided to give these three posts a title and divide them into three parts. The title is a joke and is not meant in any way to imply that either my friend KP Hong or my favorite buddhist author Brad Warner are shitheads or have heads composed of any other excretory substance (i talked to both KP and Warner through email in this "series").
Three posts in a row dealing with anger management may lead one to believe i have some anger issues. Well ... not that i am a man particularly prone to unprovoked acts of lethal violence, but on occasion i am known to lose my cool in embarrassing ways.
The following e-mail exchange took place in October 2004, between me and KP Hong, a campus minister at my college (now alma mater) who had been leading meditation sessions i'd been going to. And now, without further ado:
////////////////////////////////////////
>> Justin Hart 10/28/04 08:11PM >>>
First, I won't be able to be at Sitting on Fridays tomorrow because I'm going to have a take-home test for Monday.
Second, please read the essay at this link this whenever you get the chance:
http://www.dharmalife.com/issue22/killrage.html
What do you think of it? Does it mean all emotions are bad? I can get maybe never expressing our anger, but not expressing any emotions? What does he mean? More importantly, is he right?
I'm afraid if I say he's wrong I'll just be retreating into the "alcoholic" justification tactics in defense of my selfishness, like he talks about. But I don't want to be a robot with no emotions.
I don't think I can be a Buddhist. I don't think it's possible or even necessarily always desirable to totally get rid of our root anger (I don't think it's possible to get rid of greed or ignorance either, but getting rid of those would probably be more desirelable). But I'm afraid that if I'm not a Buddhist, I'll fall deeper into my sensuality (I won't get into details, but suffice to say my life revolves around sensual indulgence and anger at nobody in particular)
I don't want to feel like I'm doing something wrong every time I'm in a bad mood. I don't want to be a robot and I don't want to live in an environment where everybody's all calm and serene all the time. -- Justin Hart
//////////////////////////// Now here's KP's response:
Hey Justin:
Glad to respond. I've read the article and it generally speaks correctly to the Buddhist teachings... but the Buddhist teachings themselves are not so easy to understand. It takes some time and study. So let me see if I can explain and put a twist on what the article was trying to express.
Contrary to what many believe, the enlightened Buddhists are EXTREMELY humorous, FULL of emotions, and nothing at all like a robot. How is this so when Buddhism seems to advocate for "repressing" emotions?
Repression in the Western psychoanalytic sense is not what Buddhism espouses, for that does nothing to the reality of an emotion; it simply turns a blind-eye to it and Buddhist meditation is about seeing everything. In meditation, as we've been practicing on Fridays, we observe anger (or any other emotion), identify what it is (for anger usually contains many more emotions and thoughts), notice its intensity, and observe its duration. When Buddhists do this, they come to realize that emotions are integrally connected with our thoughts and our expectations for what should be versus the terrible wrong that is. And that is perfectly fine.
What is NOT fine is when we distort-exaggerate-intensify-lessen-manipulate that natural emotion into something that it is not. How do we do this? A whole list of things can distort that original, essential emotion into something monstrous:
--our ego ("How dare they. Don't they know who I am! How can this be happening to me! Etc.)
--our memories that connect this pain to past pains
--our attachment to some future ideal and the consequent gap we experience with present reality
--our fears that exaggerate this injustice to something huge
And when we express this anger, we can end up doing several things: harm others, pass along anger to others, create a vicious cycle of anger-violence-revenge, and more. Even if we express this anger to psychologically "vent", the Buddhist tradition would state that this really does not get at the truth of anger but simply deals with symptoms and may even further fuel the original anger.
So what are we to do? We are to neither repress it (in the sense of denial) nor to impulsively act on it... but to bring mindfulness to it. When we do, we come to SEE the root emotion for what it truly is, prior to any distortion we may bring to it:
--we may SEE that our anger is rooted in an overblown ego, and we may ask, "What is the self? Does it exist? What if the self and other are one and the same? Then why the anger?"
--we may SEE that our anger is rooted in some faulty thought, an illusion.
--we may SEE that our anger is rooted in some future anticipation, some ideal, and discover that it's a mental construct perhaps built to reinforce our ego or support our desire to continue into the future. Or we may discover that it's truly an admirable goal that deserves our commitment, not our intense attachment (which disguises the presence of our ego rearing its ugly head again).
And when we truly SEE, we know that no emotion will destroy us, for all emotions flow naturally from WHAT IS. It's the distortions that create further death and suffering. When there is no attachment to anything -- which is not detachment but a non-attachment-- then paradoxically, one truly begins to respond to all things for what they are and not for what I want them to be or need them to be for me.
So the "Buddhist monk" is the one who can truly feel, truly experience emotions at their fullest, for the monk truly SEES without distortion. And its the truly awakened one who then responds and acts with coherence and integrity to the emotions experienced: action and emotion in total congruity with one another. Truth in action. The awakened one can express either kindness or anger without any desire to harm others or protect the self or any other illusion. When there is nothing to protect and nothing to identify one's Self with, the only thing that remains is the larger Truth to feel, to know, to express, and to live in.
Does that help? As always, my doors open to further conversation. Thanks!
K.P. Hong
Associate Campus Minister
Office of Interfaith Campus Ministries
College of Wooster
Three posts in a row dealing with anger management may lead one to believe i have some anger issues. Well ... not that i am a man particularly prone to unprovoked acts of lethal violence, but on occasion i am known to lose my cool in embarrassing ways.
The following e-mail exchange took place in October 2004, between me and KP Hong, a campus minister at my college (now alma mater) who had been leading meditation sessions i'd been going to. And now, without further ado:
////////////////////////////////////////
>> Justin Hart 10/28/04 08:11PM >>>
First, I won't be able to be at Sitting on Fridays tomorrow because I'm going to have a take-home test for Monday.
Second, please read the essay at this link this whenever you get the chance:
http://www.dharmalife.com/issue22/killrage.html
What do you think of it? Does it mean all emotions are bad? I can get maybe never expressing our anger, but not expressing any emotions? What does he mean? More importantly, is he right?
I'm afraid if I say he's wrong I'll just be retreating into the "alcoholic" justification tactics in defense of my selfishness, like he talks about. But I don't want to be a robot with no emotions.
I don't think I can be a Buddhist. I don't think it's possible or even necessarily always desirable to totally get rid of our root anger (I don't think it's possible to get rid of greed or ignorance either, but getting rid of those would probably be more desirelable). But I'm afraid that if I'm not a Buddhist, I'll fall deeper into my sensuality (I won't get into details, but suffice to say my life revolves around sensual indulgence and anger at nobody in particular)
I don't want to feel like I'm doing something wrong every time I'm in a bad mood. I don't want to be a robot and I don't want to live in an environment where everybody's all calm and serene all the time. -- Justin Hart
//////////////////////////// Now here's KP's response:
Hey Justin:
Glad to respond. I've read the article and it generally speaks correctly to the Buddhist teachings... but the Buddhist teachings themselves are not so easy to understand. It takes some time and study. So let me see if I can explain and put a twist on what the article was trying to express.
Contrary to what many believe, the enlightened Buddhists are EXTREMELY humorous, FULL of emotions, and nothing at all like a robot. How is this so when Buddhism seems to advocate for "repressing" emotions?
Repression in the Western psychoanalytic sense is not what Buddhism espouses, for that does nothing to the reality of an emotion; it simply turns a blind-eye to it and Buddhist meditation is about seeing everything. In meditation, as we've been practicing on Fridays, we observe anger (or any other emotion), identify what it is (for anger usually contains many more emotions and thoughts), notice its intensity, and observe its duration. When Buddhists do this, they come to realize that emotions are integrally connected with our thoughts and our expectations for what should be versus the terrible wrong that is. And that is perfectly fine.
What is NOT fine is when we distort-exaggerate-intensify-lessen-manipulate that natural emotion into something that it is not. How do we do this? A whole list of things can distort that original, essential emotion into something monstrous:
--our ego ("How dare they. Don't they know who I am! How can this be happening to me! Etc.)
--our memories that connect this pain to past pains
--our attachment to some future ideal and the consequent gap we experience with present reality
--our fears that exaggerate this injustice to something huge
And when we express this anger, we can end up doing several things: harm others, pass along anger to others, create a vicious cycle of anger-violence-revenge, and more. Even if we express this anger to psychologically "vent", the Buddhist tradition would state that this really does not get at the truth of anger but simply deals with symptoms and may even further fuel the original anger.
So what are we to do? We are to neither repress it (in the sense of denial) nor to impulsively act on it... but to bring mindfulness to it. When we do, we come to SEE the root emotion for what it truly is, prior to any distortion we may bring to it:
--we may SEE that our anger is rooted in an overblown ego, and we may ask, "What is the self? Does it exist? What if the self and other are one and the same? Then why the anger?"
--we may SEE that our anger is rooted in some faulty thought, an illusion.
--we may SEE that our anger is rooted in some future anticipation, some ideal, and discover that it's a mental construct perhaps built to reinforce our ego or support our desire to continue into the future. Or we may discover that it's truly an admirable goal that deserves our commitment, not our intense attachment (which disguises the presence of our ego rearing its ugly head again).
And when we truly SEE, we know that no emotion will destroy us, for all emotions flow naturally from WHAT IS. It's the distortions that create further death and suffering. When there is no attachment to anything -- which is not detachment but a non-attachment-- then paradoxically, one truly begins to respond to all things for what they are and not for what I want them to be or need them to be for me.
So the "Buddhist monk" is the one who can truly feel, truly experience emotions at their fullest, for the monk truly SEES without distortion. And its the truly awakened one who then responds and acts with coherence and integrity to the emotions experienced: action and emotion in total congruity with one another. Truth in action. The awakened one can express either kindness or anger without any desire to harm others or protect the self or any other illusion. When there is nothing to protect and nothing to identify one's Self with, the only thing that remains is the larger Truth to feel, to know, to express, and to live in.
Does that help? As always, my doors open to further conversation. Thanks!
K.P. Hong
Associate Campus Minister
Office of Interfaith Campus Ministries
College of Wooster
posted by jlhart7 at 7:31 AM
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